Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
