honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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