You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
