btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
