My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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