When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
