i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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