Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
