I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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