I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
