I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she told me i tasted like america
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
