Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
