i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
