is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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