I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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