I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
