um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
