It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
