Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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