I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
