I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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