He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
