I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
