there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
