Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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