singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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