Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
