Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
