Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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