It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
