i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
