i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
