I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
