i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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