i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
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