which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
