If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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