The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize