I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
