dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Randomize
