is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
