Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
