Someone shit on the floor
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
