I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
