I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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