That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
