Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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