I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
