I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
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I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I love you.
Bad choice
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