I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
