I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
