Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to have your abortion
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
