you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
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Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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