Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I party with great urgency now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
