You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
