I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
