first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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