Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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