does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
