if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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