I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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