my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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