You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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