So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
