I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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