I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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