Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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