I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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