i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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