Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
