Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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