Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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