If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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