i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
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then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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