I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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