just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
